Memories

Memories

loveinlinesandspaces

“Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.”  ~From the television show The Wonder Years

My biggest fear in life is getting amnesia. Losing myself and having to start anew with no recollection of who I was. Although it may seem appealing to some, a fresh canvas, a new start, a second chance. No matter how hard I try, I can’t envision a different life (or maybe I just don’t want to). 

When I was younger, I never understood the adults constant talk of ‘feeling young again’. Wishing they were me. Without a doubt I can tell you that back then the feeling was mutual. Growing up equals freedom, being able to do what you want. No restrictions. Being 18, I now know that those thoughts were nothing more than childhood fantasies. 

My childhood consisted of palm trees and blistering under the raw heat of the sun. Disobeying my parents commands of “you better get inside now or else!” and replying to them with an “or else what?” Then I would see the enlarging of my dad’s eyes and I knew. I was in T R O U B L E! Out of nowhere, you would suddenly hear a voice saying “let them play, they’re just kids”. An authority to my authority. My Granddad. I would then run to the direction of that voice and take his hand. Despite the sweat and the smell of animals, I would hug him as if my life depended on it. It kind of did as I had just angered my dad. But my granddad was my shield, I was a cunning bundle of skin and bones. I knew very well that around my granddad, my parents powers where revoked.

The troublemaker I was, I can easily recall when my sister and I would sit on the railings of our 2nd story apartment window. Our tiny legs dangling above the pedestrian path. Occasionally spitting onto those innocent pedestrians. 

My dad worked in the radio station below the apartment  ( that’s how we got the free accommodation) and they would constantly receive freebies! Who doesn’t love freebies?! I could never forget the excitement I had when I caught sight of that familiar orange plastic bag in my dad’s hands. We would then anxiously wait by the front door. Two puppies waiting for their owner and tear apart the bag at first sight. Measly things like pens, markers and sometimes food would provide us with unwavering happiness.

The ability to recall memories is unconsciously done. But so is the inhibiting of  certain memories. Our minds purposely inhibit us from remembering certain memories, or even details of a certain memory. It does this to protect us. A memory might be one in which we experienced pain. My memories are easily triggered my pheromones. It isn’t just a mild reaction. It places me in a state of coma. One where I fail to recall my location or who I’m with.

Edward de Bono believes that 

“A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen.” 

My memories are where happiness was nothing more than new pens. The only place that my Grandad lives on. How would I’ve known back then, that time would untimely take him away unannounced. A prominent figure in my life, disappears just like that. Bob Dylan once said 

“Take care of all your memories. For you cannot relive them”. 

For me, there’s nothing more important than memories. They are essential scenes of my life story that only I can ever access.